My big boss informed me he wants my response and perspective during my internship here at the homeless shelter. Like unedited thoughts? Professional or not? Yes. COOOOOOL. So here's what I've got for today. Enjoy.
Journal on Group Thoughts
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------02/04/2010
The group appeared to be better functioning than the week before. An African American, late twenty year old female was quiet. The week prior this guest was not quiet. She ran her mouth and collaborated with other women to challenge me. Turns out she was feeling ill. She had recently had surgery. Her illness allowed the rest of the guests to communicate during the group discussion of “bullying”.
Most of the women indicated times of bullying as gender oriented {which gender you might ask? MEN}. They referenced men cutting them down in line to dinner or throwing harsh words out just because.
One woman provoked majority of the other women: “I hate when a man refers to me as mama”. She indicated that she “Ain’t his mama and wants to be called by her name”. She said she deals with that issue by addressing him calmly in introducing herself with her real name. She said her temper flares – or loses control when he continues to pester her. Words are powerful.
Another female reported that she hates that if a man does threaten her, or bully her in line, that security doesn’t help. She said that even if they see it, they won’t do anything. We discussed alternate ways to address their rights not being violated. I encouraged her, along with a friend for support, to address an alternate staff or care manager in what she can and cannot expect from security [as I don’t know the rules]. Quickly, she said it wouldn’t help or it wouldn’t get what she wanted.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------02/09/2010
Today, one lady referenced her new husband [as of Saturday/confirmed by her new bling on the left finger] while I visited with her in her room. She said he lives at the Bridge and they met prior to being at the Bridge. She stated that she is raging with anger today. She indicated that she is angry because her husband wants her to be a wallflower. She said when he is with men, as he is downstairs right now, he wants her to shut her mouth and not say a thing. She reports him being incredibly giving and kind to her one-on-one. She said that this is a new behavior for him; to shut her out. She reported that she hates it and it makes her want to lose her temper.
It’s easy for me to think that some women ask for what they get because of how they treat people. There are also other women who don’t do anything wrong and get poorly treated. We discussed treating others as you want to be treated, without expectation of the outcome. We discussed rights, invisible boundaries and expectations. This social problem stems back to simple logic, respect, and communication between man and woman, woman to woman, and man to man. It addresses self-awareness, roles, expectations, and skills in which to address 1 – how something/someone makes you feel 2 – how to respond, not react to how this someone/something makes you feel. Where do you even start in creating change? I need a life time to engage a woman on this topic. . . not an hour.
We concluded with being responsible for one’s self. Conclusively, emotions are powerful. Women need to know how to control – not abandon how they feel to fit a mold, but control and constructively consider themselves and others when simply living life.
Her transparency continued into her reasoning of why she struggles with being okay that her husband is treating her poorly. She said that last year she got angry at him. She said she left him and went and prostituted herself, but got caught. She said she was picked up for a warrant and spent time in jail. She said she got doped up on crack right before Law Enforcement arrived. She said she chose this because she was feeling miserable about herself. She said that she knew she did wrong and was ugly in the way of getting back to him. She said she doesn’t want to just hurt his feelings when she is angry, she wants to ruin him. She said she knew how to do it - to get the big bucks and binge on crack. Instead of using the money for something more constructive {although from an activity that was in itself destructive} she got strung out. While discussing this with me, her diction was that she was disappointed in herself, but her body language and expressions [smiling, laughing] indicated that she enjoyed this activity very much.
This contrast made me ponder what it must be like to walk in the steps of prostituting. Also, what is it like to be strung out on crack? She indicates that it was to get back at a loved one. All of this was a consequence of anger?
I probed her for how she deals with anger now: “I talk about it. I yell and scream and get angry, but I stay put. I’ve learned here. But I get angry at pretty much anything”. I asked her if she felt the same deep emotion of joy or happiness, as she does anger. She said no.
Call me shallow, but the homeless population range in an array of descriptive physical features. Some look healthy and you would never be able to classify them as homeless, or even poor. This lady didn’t have teeth. I’m not sure where they went or what happened to them. Does she want to replace them? The process and budgeting side of my brain doesn’t understand having a multi-diamond ring on her left hand but not having any teeth. I’m not saying one has to have their teeth or even one tooth at all, but where’s the logic to this? I don’t even know the expense to creating a new set of teeth, but I figure it must be the same, if not less as a multi-carat diamond. Where’s the logic to most of the decisions these clients are making? Not anywhere near here.
